


Confidence

by saintvic



Category: Life on Mars (UK)
Genre: Character Study, Gen
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2010-10-26
Updated: 2010-10-26
Packaged: 2017-10-12 21:56:05
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 811
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/129500
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/saintvic/pseuds/saintvic
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>A look at the changes to Annie's career.</p>
            </blockquote>





	Confidence

She was pretty sure that Sam had no inkling of how difficult it was for her to say yes when he offered her the promotion to detective constable. She knew he meant well and that he unreservedly believed she was capable and competent. Although deep down she suspected that he was trying to make a point as much as give her an opportunity. But she always firmly squashed that thought as unworthy of both of them. Still putting voice to her answer had taken more thought than she would have suspected if posed the question hypothetically. The answer was yes, it couldn't be anything else, but there were niggling little thoughts that emerged even though most of her mind shouted yes.

Annie had often thought that she had overcome these sort of doubts when going for the job in the police in the first place but it seemed that such qualms never disappeared completely just were submerged for a while. The only, the first woman on the team. Fighting to stake her place and challenging herself to accomplish something worthwhile. But despite relishing that prospect and the chance to prove herself she knew realistically it would be like swimming upstream in a suit of armour with lead boots on.

She knew she would lose contact with her fellow WPCs no matter what she assured herself otherwise. After all she remembered her surprise and initial incomprehension about the fact that some of the resentment she experienced when first working with Sam, DI Tyler, was from women she thought were friends and profession colleagues. She also knew that there would be crude jokes, nicknames, pinching, fondling, and more "playful" teasing than usual. After all the men of CID would feel threatened that a woman had appeared in their territory. Therefore they would try and mark their domain with these particular and manifest behaviours. And she didn't even need the psychology degree to figure that one out. But despite the myriad concerns that floated around, causing her mind to be a silent whirlpool of concerns, all of them were overwhelmed by the need to say yes.

Acknowledgement came gradually, in fits and starts, and unequally from different directions. Strangely, for all he had done for her, the true feeling of acceptance in her new role didn't come from Sam. Oh he defended her, included her, relied on her, worked with her, and had given her the opportunity in the first place. But that wasn't a change in his behaviour. From the start of their friendship he had done all of these things, so the way he treated her as a detective was the same as he had always behaved towards her. Instead it was the others that she looked to for that recognition; Annie Cartwright as an independent, reliable and resourceful detective. Yet she caught herself looking for even simple tolerance at the start. When she wanted to feel like she wasn't wasting her time even trying. And this rolled up in different times and places and with increasing regularity.

A lopsided grin and the offer of a garibaldi biscuit from Chris when he spotted her making herself a cuppa. This was in a quiet moment after they had spent all day trudging round door-to-door futilely trying to locate Johnny Keith who was suspected of performing the post office job a week before.

DC Allen not swearing like a navvy under his breath when told he was working with her rather than his normal partner, Bob Williamson, when going to speak to the usual grasses trying to find out who could be fencing a job lot of nicked radios.

A definite and distinct "you did well" from the Guv when she got a witness to agree to give testimony in a hard to prosecute domestic violence case. Admittedly it was accompanied by the traditional flash knickers, lovely bumps type nickname but still it was "you did well".

Phyllis' look of pride every time she brought someone in to be incarcerated in the cells when she was wearing her street clothes rather than her old WPC uniform.

A grudging but sincere nod of gratitude from DS Carling when she stepped in to deal with a hysterical fifteen year old boy and girl who had seen something dreadful but couldn't seem to form a complete sentence between them.

And finally the moment when she realised that she was no longer looking for these signs anymore . Now there was confidence and experience to back up her ideas and deductions. And she knew at that time what Sam appearing in her life had done for her. And despite all the mad theories, wondering about his past and his health, and coping with the increasing moments of delusion she wouldn't take back the anything from the second he staggered dazed and confused into the station all those months ago.


End file.
